Workers of the World Unite… Against Syphillus!

STD's are the Enemy of Productivity! I sense a Six Sigma project...

Welcome to the most melancholy of all Holidays. I can’t recall ever having an enjoyable Labor Day. It’s the end of summer, and school and obligations hang overhead like a black cloud regardless of the weather. Calling it “Back to School” day would be more appropriate, as it seems more a funeral for summer than a celebration of Labor. I wish we weren’t so freaked out about communism as a country, then we could celebrate labor day on May 1st like all the other self respecting countries do.


Not to be cynical, but what does America have to do with labor anyway? Aside from paying lip service to the value of it, we bust our butts to try to avoid it at all costs. When we aren’t too busy slaving away for “the man” we are inventing new and creative ways to exploit the poor and unfortunate in order to improve our profitability.

OK, that was cynical. Can you tell it’s time for our annual performance reviews?

I have nothing to complain about. My Dark Corporate Overlords pay me well, and have even given me the day off. I’m not sure I will be able to sleep tonight from the guilt over taking their money.

OK, I am sure I will sleep like a baby. If there’s one thing I will not feel guilty about it’s taking the shareholders money in the form of my paycheck. Nope, not gonna lose sleep over it. I’ll take whatever they will willingly give, because I’m worth it damnit. Just look at my performance last year. Not one missed day of work in my department due to STD’s. If that’s not management excellence I don’t know what is.

Dinosaurs had syphillis? No wonder they're extinct


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