Welcome to Scotland

It was an interesting flight over. I’m not sure what the proper protocol is for your boss throwing up on an airplane. Do you offer to hold her hair out of her face as she heaves into the portolet? Am I expected to get a washrag and wipe the spittle off of her chin? Why don’t they teach these things in business school damnit!?! It was hard to know what she really expected me to do. After all, she pretty much just keeps me around as eye candy. (I feel a little cheap, but I’ve come to terms with it.)

Needless to say, the GREAT-BIG-SUPER-FUN-DAY- OF-SIGHTSEEING she was planning to do with me, was thankfully canceled. So I have just been hanging out at the hotel trying to stay awake as long as possible. I’ve been awake for 28 hours now, and strange things are starting to happen. I think I just saw Jesus at the reception desk talking to Elvis.

Otherwise, I haven’t really seen much of Scotland yet.  Here are my cultural observations so far:

Our Scottish cab driver was a mad man. He drove the whole way here on the wrong side of the road. I’m amazed we weren’t killed!

I have discovered that the Scottish speak an incomprehensible, indigenous language, full of sing-songy, guttural noises and grunts. They call it “English”.

They have Haggis on the room service menu.

It’s raining outside

It’s very green (The landscape, not the rain, or the haggis…at least as far as I know)

And that’s just the first 4 hours here. Damn! I should really become a travel writer, then I could totally do this for a living.

Wait, I am doing this for a living.


I’ll write more tomorrow, after I’ve had a chance to actually see something. Right now I’m heading down to the bar to have a drink with Jesus. I’m hoping that after a couple of Scotch’s, Elvis and I can talk him into doing that water-into-wine trick.

UPDATE: While I’m doing that, enjoy some photos of the grounds around the hotel from my afternoon stroll. Yes, it really is this beautiful here. I am a lucky, lucky, man.

This is our hotel. In Scotland even the McDonalds are in old castles.

Out on the golf course

5 thoughts on “Welcome to Scotland

    • Yeah, I wish they’d have spent less time telling me how to crush the souls of the exploited, and more time explaining which songs are appropriate for Karaoke in Japan. Who knew they’d be so sensitive over “Kung Foo Fighting”?

  1. I have never had any true ambition to advance in the corporate world, however, your boss has inspired me to climb the ladder so one day I get to keep my own eye candy around!

    p.s. In case you feel like you’ve wasted your time posting the pictures… yes they are gorgeous. I am jealous. Happy now?

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