Ten Things I Learned on the Internet


Every experience in life can teach you something, no matter how dull, or painful that experience may be. As I look back on my life, I see many times where the lessons I learned were not always the ones that I expected. I like to think that this is because God has a sense of humor, and he realizes that irony can be a great teaching tool. I find it’s easier than thinking he’s just messing with me.

So after years of heavy internet usage, I have come to discover certain truths that I found surprising. Truths that I never expect to discover during my countless lost hours of internet searching for the answer to life. (I’m convinced that it’s hidden out there somewhere, but Google isn’t telling. Feckin’ Google.)

These truths are innumerable as the stars in the sky, but in the interest of space, here are just ten of them.

Ten Things I Learned on the Internet

10.) How to make $6,724 / month from home

9.) The TRUTH about Acai Berries

8.) Catz cant spel

7.) Google will not stop until they rule the world. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

6.) Everybody wants to give me a free iPad. No really!

5.) Mortgage brokers like to dance

4.) Neiman Marcus makes great cookies.

3.) There’s a guy in Nigeria that wants to give me lots of money

2.) When you’re suffering writer’s block, go with a Top 10 list

1.) Some things can never be “unseen”

But I must confess, even after years of internet usage, I still don’t get Facebook.

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11 thoughts on “Ten Things I Learned on the Internet

  1. Are you trying to tell me that the windfall I am expecting from Nigera is not going to materialize? Because that was my retirement plan.
    I’m too old to go back to the tour bus Tom, you have to fight the younger more cannibalistic wave of upcoming groupies to get a spot now and my knees really hurt.
    I’d like to clarify that they hurt because I’m arthritic NOT because I spend a lot of time on them.

    • Sadly, this is the very reason that groupies need retirement plans, comprehensive medical coverage, and 401k’s. You really need to Unionize.

      • I’m on the table with my UNION sign having my Martha Rae moment right now except there are no factory workers- just old brokedown groupies and a LOT of velvet.

        • Don’t you mean a Norma Rae moment?

          Although, if you have dentures I guess Martha Rae would be more appropriate. Just don’t break into song, OK?

    • Oh, I think I get Twitter. It’s the perfect thing for introverted exhibitionists, because it allows you to shout whatever nonsense you want, and know that total strangers will either giggle, or not care. (I think I picked up that term “introverted exhibitionist” at you blog, but I might be mistaken)

      Blogs, require more time & energy and seem more permanent, whereas Twitter is pure “now”. Very Zen Buddhist. Even the 140 character limit reminds me of a koan.

      It’s also a fun way to flirt with total strangers.

      Twitter = The raving lunatic we are in private. Which is why most people use a “handle”and not their name.

      But Facebook is almost like the inverse. It allows me to make stilted, impersonal communication with a lot of people who I know, but am not comfortable revealing myself to.

      Facebook = The mask we wear in public. I use my real name there, never my “handle” or website.

      At least, that’s why I am drawn to Twitter instead of FB. But I’ve always been more of an introverted exhibitionist.

      Mostly though, it’s the flirting.

  2. I do not get Facebook either. I don’t know how to explain but I seem to have trouble finding my “friends” every time I try to find the list of friends… I seriously hate Facebook…

    But did you find out how to pronounce ACAI? ugh.

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