Bring home Da-Loot this Christmas


Dear Readers, I feel I need to point out that today’s post is not a paid product endorsement. (However, if the good management at Duluth Trading Company should see fit to throw a gift card my way I would be more than willing to accept it.)

It has come to my attention that the bulk of the commenter’s on this site are female. Well, that’s not totally correct. It would be more accurate to say that it has come to the attention of Mrs. 20 Prospect that most of the commenter’s on this site are female. An observation that she somehow manages to mention to me no less than 3 times per day. So as a public service to all of my female readers, and their male counterparts, I am offering this holiday gift giving guide.

No seriously.

Ladies, whether or not your are married to a teamster, or an accountant that doesn’t know a Phillips head screwdriver, from one of those other kind of screw drivers, with the flat, slot, thingy on the end (OK, stop laughing) One thing is certain. In his mind, he thinks of himself as something like this:

Manly Men

or this…

or even this…

Engage!

Yes, we are that self delusional. Please, don’t act so surprised.

And whatever you do, please do not point out the absurdity of our fantasy. We are very sensitive about our self image.

No ladies, if you want to do right by the man in your life you need to constantly reinforce the illusion that he could survive for a week in the wild with nothing but a book of matches and a Swiss Army knife. Waking him to the reality of his 21st Century girly man existence is as dangerous as waking a sleepwalker. He may never recover his soul.

But how, you ask, can a woman be expected to keep a straight face as her man sticks his head under the hood of the car and pretends to know what he is doing? How can you reinforce his imaginary self image without totally losing it?

That’s why I am here to help.

Ladies, I give you the Holiday Gift guide that is sure to make your man feel like Jason Statham building a log cabin with his bare hands.

Ladies, I give you The Duluth Trading Company

Yes ladies, trust me on this. ANYTHING you buy from this site will convince your man of two things:

1.) That you think of him as the kind of guy that could spend the morning branding cattle, and still have energy to punch out a team of ninja assassins before supper.

2.) That he really needs pants with the durability and strength of a firehose to sit on the couch for 8 hours watching football this Sunday.

Trust me, Duluth Trading Company is the G.I. Joe, to J. Crew’s Ken Doll. I don’t care if you’d rather go shopping and get a pedicure with Ken then spend the day sitting in a deer stand with G.I. Joe. Your man will feel much better about getting a pedicure if he’s wearing a pair of these to the spa:

Perfect For Kickin' Ass and Taking Names, or picking up a box of tampons on his next trip to Target.

And trust me, that Apple-tini flavored Vodka you have in the cupboard will taste more like something John Wayne would drink if he gets to swig it out of one of these:

Can carry 12 oz. of Bourbon, or Lighter Fluid, depending on how cold it is outside

Yes ladies, even your gay male friends will enjoy storing his nuts and bolt in one of these:

Man Can Boxers

Not even considering their contributions to mens self image, we should forever be in debt to Duluth Trading Company for providing a simple solution to the age old scourge of plumber’s butt.

Yes Ladies. Duluth Trading Company simply cannot let you down this Christmas.

You can thank me later. Just not too much, or Mrs.. 20 Prospect will never let me hear the end of it.

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36 thoughts on “Bring home Da-Loot this Christmas

  1. Tell the Mrs. thank you for reminding you who we are, because dear God that was funny and hot!

    And if we’re being honest, I think of myself as a flirty Victoria’s Secret model! If only there were someone around to share delusions with!

    ENGAGE!

    • My son and I are COUNTING THE DAYS until the Coen Brother’s remake of True Grit comes out. The preview we saw for it this past weekend looked awesome.

  2. Don’t think I didn’t notice that you too go to Target to pick up tampons for your wife. This is my husbands number one most special task each and every month. HE LOVES IT!!!!
    I like to scream instructions like “MAKE SURE YOU GET THE SUPER PINK ONES!”
    I’m not satisfied until I release all my passive aggressive urges by properly emasculating him in public.
    *insert sound of whip cracking here*
    Just kidding, I’m just too lazy to buy them myself.
    Anyway, having grown up in a home where I had to split wood with an axe for heating and chase vermin from the woodstove pipes with nothing more than a broom and a set of balls I am well equipped to survive any type of end times scenario so I don’t think I need the lumber jack coat for hubby but more for myself.
    I am woman, hear me roar? I don’t know. Ignore me.

    • I’m starting to picture your childhood as a cross between Little House on the Prairie and Mommy Dearest. It seems to explain a lot.

    • Wait until you read one of my cooking posts!

      OK, not really.

      Although I have been told before that I’d have made a great gay guy. It was meant as a compliment, I think.

  3. *swoon* Thank you, kind sir, for the picture of Jason Statham. And the Manly Men – that’s a pretty hot bunch of friends you’ve got. Any live in Cali?

    I’m off the buy the Buck Naked underwear. Hey, a gal can wear those around the house if she wants to.

    • I’m sure you could find a lot of lumberjacks in San Francisco.

      Sorry, I keep thinking about that Monty Python Lumberjack song…

  4. WTF, Tom???!!! Why did you steal a pic of He Who Loves All Things Wicked and try to pass it off as Jason Statham? While lots of people confuse the two, I can’t believe you actually tried to pull the wool over your readers eyes. *wags finger*

    • Careful Shawn, there are several known Jason Statham stalkers that frequent this blog. Letting them know that he who loves all things wicked is his twin might result in a few uninvited house guests.

      • For the record, at 5am, I am allowed to miss the apostrophe that should have been in reader’s. Which I just noticed. As for the house guests, uninvited is fine, that doesn’t mean they are unwelcome. 🙂

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