Do It Yourself Holiday Card 2010

Yes, it’s that time of the year again. Time for the annual 20 Prospect Do it Yourself Christmas Card! Please take a moment to reflect upon the joys of the season and fill out your own damn card.

Photo Copyright Library of Congress - Harris & Ewing 1937

Dear (insert your name here)

It has been a wonderful and momentous year here at 20 Prospect. We hope that the season finds you all doing well, and that you are having a _____

a.) Jolly Festivus

b.) Somber Ramadan

c.) Doctor look at that growth on your neck

It is so hard to believe that 2010 is almost over! Why is seems like only yesterday that ____.

a.) I was holding Mrs. 20 Prospect’s head over the toilet last New Year’s Eve.

b.) Maggie left a half eaten squirrel on the living room carpet.

c.) I was given Level 3 Sex Offender status

Great memories to be sure, but we’re excited about what new adventures await in 2011. Mrs. 20 Prospect and I are looking forward to ____.

a.) lil’ Miss 20 Prospect completing chain saw safety class.

b.) the surgeon re-attaching 20 Prospect Jr.’s toes.

c.) child services returning the kids to us.

But the end of another year is also a good time to pause and reflect on the past year, and all of the wonderful times that we shared like ___

a.) our family vacation to the National Mustard Museum in Middleton, Wisconsin.

b.) spray painting obscenities on the highway underpass.

c.) hanging out with family on the front porch, drinking corn whiskey and shooting bottles with a .22

And how can we forget the time that Moxie and Maggie ____

a.) put the neighbor’s cat in the microwave.

b.) knocked off the 1st National Bank in Minneapolis.

c.) built an improvised explosive device using my cell phone, and some lawn fertilizer

We are still laughing about that one! After all of that excitement, I think the whole family agrees that we are looking forward to relaxing over the winter break.

Wishing you a Happy New Year, and looking forward to seeing you ______

a.) at the arraignment hearing.

b.) in rehab.

c.) on our next conjugal visit.

The 20 Prospect Family


22 thoughts on “Do It Yourself Holiday Card 2010

  1. I’ll have you know that I went back to work on the ACTUAL holiday card I gave up on this week and managed to scrape together something that I might be able to send.
    Do you know that I actually used a chainsaw regularly in my youth? No, not to dismember anyone but to cut firewood.
    This comment is suspiciously light on snark and anger so I suspect a holiday mood is taken ahold of me.

  2. It’s. Snowing. On. Your. Blog.

    Are you crazy?

    My card would have to have the D. Brought the 9 MM to Christmas eve dinner, just in case that pesky old grinch showed up again.

    We always get two holiday news letters. One tells us all about the wonderful things they bought, places they’ve been and diseases they’ve cured.

    The other tells us of all the awesome blow jobs he’s got, how he ran naked through a bar in NYC sreaming about a priest in the bathroom and all the really great wedgies he gave to much larger men. Always signed, Fuck a Bitch.

    One I burn and one I frame.

    • Only my Mom and siblings call me Tommy. Personally, I have always wanted one of those iconic one word names. Like “Sting”, or “Prince”, or “Cher”.

      OK, not Cher but you know what I mean.

      I’m thinking “Studmuffin” or maybe “The Flash”.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s