Yes, it’s that time of the year again. Time for the annual 20 Prospect Do it Yourself Christmas Card! Please take a moment to reflect upon the joys of the season and fill out your own damn card.
Dear (insert your name here)
It has been a wonderful and momentous year here at 20 Prospect. We hope that the season finds you all doing well, and that you are having a _____
a.) Jolly Festivus
b.) Somber Ramadan
c.) Doctor look at that growth on your neck
It is so hard to believe that 2010 is almost over! Why is seems like only yesterday that ____.
a.) I was holding Mrs. 20 Prospect’s head over the toilet last New Year’s Eve.
b.) Maggie left a half eaten squirrel on the living room carpet.
c.) I was given Level 3 Sex Offender status
Great memories to be sure, but we’re excited about what new adventures await in 2011. Mrs. 20 Prospect and I are looking forward to ____.
a.) lil’ Miss 20 Prospect completing chain saw safety class.
b.) the surgeon re-attaching 20 Prospect Jr.’s toes.
c.) child services returning the kids to us.
But the end of another year is also a good time to pause and reflect on the past year, and all of the wonderful times that we shared like ___
a.) our family vacation to the National Mustard Museum in Middleton, Wisconsin.
b.) spray painting obscenities on the highway underpass.
c.) hanging out with family on the front porch, drinking corn whiskey and shooting bottles with a .22
And how can we forget the time that Moxie and Maggie ____
a.) put the neighbor’s cat in the microwave.
b.) knocked off the 1st National Bank in Minneapolis.
c.) built an improvised explosive device using my cell phone, and some lawn fertilizer
We are still laughing about that one! After all of that excitement, I think the whole family agrees that we are looking forward to relaxing over the winter break.
Wishing you a Happy New Year, and looking forward to seeing you ______
a.) at the arraignment hearing.
b.) in rehab.
c.) on our next conjugal visit.
The 20 Prospect Family