Congratulations! You might already be a winner!


Ever since I won my major award, and achieved massive fame and recognition, I have been feeling guilty. You see nothing good can happen in my life without inducing an equal and opposite amount of guilt to make up for it. Don’t say the Nun’s didn’t do their job well.

So I have been thinking about various ways that I might be able to “pay it forward” and share my newfound wealth and fame with others.

So I considered signing up for one of those “adopt a highway” programs, where local groups volunteer to pick up trash alongside the road. However, I soon discovered that there is no such thing as an “Adopt the Information Superhighway Program”, so I wouldn’t be able to repay society by cleaning up a one mile stretch of the interwebz. Bummer, because I don’t know about your corner of the interwebz, but ours is just littered with trash.

Then I considered using my fame and fortune to become a super hero, and fight crime. I always wanted to wear a cape! However, when I tried on the spandex suit, I decided that the sight of me in tight fitting clothes was not really the benefit to society that I had hoped it would be.

So I went out on a walk last night here in Salt Lake City to see what kind of good deeds I could do. I found a drunk lying passed out on the sidewalk behind the State Liquor Store downtown, and considered doing the good Samaritan thing and bandaging his wounds, and nursing him back to health. But then I remembered that I am not really a big fan of people in general, and strange drunks in particular, so I chickened out and kept walking.

Finally, this morning as I woke before heading out on the next leg of my tour, inspiration struck. I would create my own award, like Alfred Nobel, to repay my debt to society by recognizing the heroic sacrifice, and efforts of a deserving individual who is trying to make the Interwebz a better place. YES! That would be my legacy! An award that raises the profile of another blogger destined for greatness!

So interwebz, I broke out my mad photoshop skills, and my shaky trigger hand, and crafted the following award;

(All graphic design inspiration goes to SubWow)

This award honors the blogger with either the sexiest legs, or the horniest unicorn on the interweb. Because if there is one thing this world needs more of, it’s horny unicorns and sexy legs. And perhaps Nutella.

So without further ado, it is my honor to award the first annual “20 Prospect – Sexiest Leg / Horniest Unicorn Award” to Miss Patricia Marie Punker, of the always funny www.pattypunker.com

*applause*

In order to accept this award the recipient must vow to grace the interwebz with either a set of sexy legs, or a horny unicorn.

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24 thoughts on “Congratulations! You might already be a winner!

  1. I love it! And a very deserving award winner too. I suspect the Oscars are going to start looking less like a golden man and more like a Major Award + Unicorn. I think you’ve started something big here.

  2. BEST. HORNIEST. SEXIST. AWESOMEST. LOVELIEST. AWARD. EVER!!!!!

    I haven’t had coffee yet so can’t think of anything witty to say. I’ll leave that to the others who also come to worship at the foot (feet?) of this greatest award ever given.

    Suck it, Academy Award.

    • Kudo’s to you for the inspiration in Monday’s comment section. I mean “A unicorn humping a sexy leg lamp” is like awesome squared!

  3. are you sure you don’t want to clean up all the trash over in my neck of the woods? sers, there’s a bunch of crap over there.

    to accept, i present you with some very sexy legs here:
    http://absenceofalternatives.com/2011/01/ill-take-the-one-on-the-left-to-go.html

    i’d just like to thank my muses(the glitter gang bangers), my jet fuel (franzia)and that drunk behind the liquor store that led you to desperate measures.

    and of course i’m so grateful to you, the honorary member and cabana boy of dufmanno island for keeping the interwebz alive with your badazzz rock star antics.

    *blushing like a school girl* xoxoxo

    • Hey, before you whore me out like that, at least buy me a drink first. Chopin ok? No cheapo stuff like Kirkland brand vodka.

      Fine, I will be the “warmup” show for your real, prime show.

      We have two tiers of shows: The orchestra gets the ones on the left. The pit gets the ones on the right: meatier and therefore more giggidy.

      And I can always see the SET for YOUR performance: There is going to be a giant martini glass in the center of the stage, and you are going to take a bubble bath in it. *wolf whistle* I am alone in the office today so I am turning the burlesque music up. WAY UP.

  4. I stumbled over here after reading a post from Sister Merry Hellish’s blog…she’s crazy, and I love it, so I thought, any site that awards HER a Unicorn must be very worthwhile. So, here I am. I have no humping unicorn, but my cousin DOES own a leg lamp. I’m pretty sure it’s fra-gee-lay, so does that qualify my site, too? I’m willing to work my way up!

  5. Patty Punker’s real legs make me want to wear a unicorn hat and hump them?
    No, that’s too vulgar. Sorry.
    I love this award, and no one deserves the accolades more than our rock star Patty.

  6. Pingback: What the #FF?!?: Blogger’s Choice Awards « Miracle on 32nd Street

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