The Love Song of J. Alfred Prospect

Tonight, as we sat around the dinner table, I crossed the Rubicon to irrelevance. It happened suddenly, and without warning, but there is no doubt about it. I passed a point from which there is no return. Let me set the scene…

We sit around the table at dinner, passing food, and filling our plates and talking. 20 Prospect Jr. begins telling us the story of his trip to a local water park as part of a friends birthday party this weekend.

20 Prospect Jr. – “You’ve got to see it, they have made a lot of changes since we last went there.”

Lil’ Miss 20 Prospect – “What kind of changes?”

20 Prospect – “Well, lots of them. It’s all different now. Even the kiddie pool”

Lil’ Miss 20 Prospect – “Is the pirate ship slide still there?”

20 Prospect Jr. – “Yeah, but the yellow thing that sprays water is all different now. It looks like a big palm tree”

Lil’ Miss 20 Prospect – “Cool. What else?”

20 Prospect Jr. – “They have all new floaty things in the big pool, and the water slide has lights inside of it.”

Lil’ Miss 20 Prospect – “What kind of lights?”

20 Prospect Jr. – “They’re like Christmas lights but they flash to the music, and when you get on the slide, there’s this screen where you can pick out a song to play while you slide.”

Lil’ Miss 20 Prospect – “Awesome! What song did you pick?”

20 Prospect Jr. – “California Girls!”

Me – “I didn’t know you liked the Beach Boys.”

20 Prospect Jr. & Lil’ Miss 20 Prospect in unison – *snicker*

Me – “What? That’s who sings it!”

20 Prospect Jr. – “Um… no Dad. Kate Perry sings it.”

Lil’ Miss 20 Prospect – “Yeah.”

Mrs. 20 Prospect – “Who’s Kate Perry?”

and so it begins. We have passed from being the source of all knowledge to being an outdated, irrelevant source of embarrassment for our children. It only took 11 years, 5 months, and 22 days.

I knew this day would come, but I have to admit, it still caught me by surprise. But I have come to terms with it. In fact, I am looking forward to being able to wear black socks with my sandals this summer. My toes always get so cold.


30 thoughts on “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prospect

  1. Do we need to send you crib notes so you can talk to your kids without being laughed at?

    Sadly, I saw this coming the second he said California Girls. It was like a horror movie scene. I was peeking through my eyes, saying out loud to the laptop, “No Tom, Don;t Do IT!!!! Not the wrong musical reference! You will lose them forever!!!” and then you did it.

    *sigh* Katy Perry- married to Russell Brand, sings Firework, California Girls, and recently released a scratch and sniff cotton candy scented cd.

    You’re welcome.

    PS. Appears to have the talent and brains of a tubesock.

  2. I realize there may not be much comfort in this, but … you’re definitely not alone. In fact, until I read this post you were at least one step ahead of me.

    • I’m discovering that there may be a market for Pop Culture Crib Notes for out of touch parents. Now all I need is a business plan, a website, and $2 Million in venture capital.

  3. This isn’t so bad. I actually googled “Lady Gaga” yesterday. I could not understand the references. Never had heard of her and wondered why her name kept appearing.

    The kids in my life all know this about me. They think of me as an absent minded professor, sort of, and their knowledge of pop culture is their chance to know more than me about something. So, you could turn this into a PR victory. What do you need crib notes for? Just ask one of your younger colleagues.

  4. Oh dude, I wish I could have run interference for you with a primer on all things with current pop culture significance and the importance levels.
    On a more somber note, I took my daughters Katy Perry CD and cracked it right in half while exclaiming “this is shit, and I cannot have it in my house!”
    When she was looking for it the next day I just whistled and skipped around pretending to have no idea why it would have disappeared.
    I’m sure it’s very much the way my mother felt the first time I wore my Black Sabbath War Pigs t-shirt in public.

      • IT’s time for you to start calling into Culture Brats live so You’ll be up to date.
        Plus Chag needs someone else to reign in my monologuing when I’ve started prattling on and on with no end in sight.
        I actually went into a dream state discussing the film adaptation of Water For Elephants. I think he fell asleep.

        • I don’t suppose it’s possible to call in when I’m listening to the recording on my iPod, is it?

          Have you had many callers?

          And why do I feel like a character from a Tennesee Wlliams play for asking that question?

    • Ha! The funny thing is that my “oldies” music IS punk rock. I guess bubblegum-dance pop covers of the Sex Pistols would have the same effect though.

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