Salutatorian


Maggie the Wonderdog

(Maggie bounds up the steps, and runs into the living room)

Maggie – Hey ya’ Moxie!

Moxie – (looks up from couch) Hey

Maggie – You’ll never guess where I was!

Moxie – Where?

Maggie – The peoples took me to that doggy place again, with all the cool smells!

Moxie – You mean the vet?

Maggie – No! That other place. The one where you get to play games.

Moxie – It’s called obedience class.

Maggie – Yeah, Obeed-ea something! It’s fun!

Moxie – You big goofus, they are trying to train you to do what they want.

Maggie – Uh-uh, we play games.

Moxie – Oh yeah, what kind of games?

Maggie – You know the one where they put us on a leash, and say “heel” and we have to walk beside them. Then they say “Whoa” and we stop. Then they scratch us behind the ears and talk in that silly voice.

Moxie – (sigh…)

Maggie – I got second place!

Moxie – oh yeah?

Maggie – Yeah, they gave me a ribbon and everything.

Moxie – Did you eat it?

Maggie – No, the peoples took it away and hung it on the fridge.

Moxie – I thought for sure you’d eat it…

Maggie – I hope we get to go back and play again.

Moxie – …because you pretty much eat everything.

Maggie – I know I can beat that Cocker Spaniel.

Moxie – Don’t you get it?

Maggie – Get what?

Moxie – It’s not a game, dummy, they are just trying to trick you into doing what they want.

Maggie – What do you mean?

Moxie – That “heel” game? That’s so you walk next to them on your walks, and stop chasing sqwerlz.

Maggie – No…

Moxie – and that “Stay” game is to get you to stop jumping up on peoples when they come visit.

Maggie – Get out!

Moxie – My god, you can be so thick at times.

Maggie – I can’t believe the peoples would be so sneaky.

Moxie – Listen kid, this ain’t the swamp. Peoples can be very tricky. They’re almost as smart as dogs.

Maggie – Is that why they know how to open the doors?

Moxie – Look, if you want to be a slave to the oppressors, you just go on sitting, and heeling, and begging for your treats, just leave me out of it.

Maggie – What are you going to do?

Moxie – I’m just biding my time, eating their food, and sleeping in their bed, but someday I’m gonna run this place.

Maggie – Oh…

Moxie – and when I’m in charge, it’ll be the peoples that have to whine in front of the fridge to be fed. But us dogs will be able to eat out of the dog food bin any time we want.

Maggie – (*thinking*)

Moxie – What? What’s that look for?

Maggie – When you’re in charge, can we go back to the doggy place and play some more games?

Moxie – I give up.

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10 thoughts on “Salutatorian

  1. I wish my dogs were this kind and pure of heart. It’s all I can do to prevent our bigger canine from going through a window every time the mailman tries to sneak up on our porch.
    He has been attempting to rip out his throat for nine years and the desire does not seem to be subsiding with age.

  2. I would love it if you told us this picture was taken yesterday so I could rib you endlessly about still having your Christmas decorations up.

    • Nope. It’s from December, although looking out the window right now you’d swear it was Christmas.

      &^%^&$%&(^%&^! March snowstorms.

  3. We are nearing the point where our puppy (9 months old) will be going to obedience classes. She’s such a spastic freak, and I’m losing my mind as a result. I won’t have her ruining my summer mojo, so obedience classes it is.

    • I thought the same think about Maggie. She’s been a real hellion, but she took to the training like a duck to water. I think sometimes dogs are like kids, and need to have their brain challenged. Otherwise the house (like the classroom) turns into chaos.

  4. The reason I do not own a dog is because I love shoes. Well, that and we are NEVER home. But, I do dogsit N9nuh a lot. I love her and she is the sweetest, smartest dog in the world. Proof? The one time she actually got mad at me, she went into my bedroom, got out a shoe, brought it into the entryway, and proceeded to eat the heel off of it while I was gone.

    • Smart dog! If mine were that smart they’d eat my bike, or drink my beer. In fact, if they stopped chewing my shoes I’d never get around to buying new ones.

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