The requisite post on Osama Bin Laden’s Death

As I said yesterday, the front porch is not exactly the place that you all turn for incisive political commentary, and illuminating analysis of world events. To be honest, I’m not really sure what the reason is that you all stop by to read this blog, but I’ve been too afraid to ask. Whatever your reason, I am grateful.

That said, there are times when the events of the real world completely take over the interwebz and become just too large and important to ignore. This is one of those times. So last night I dusted off my brain, and began reading world news, and watching as much television coverage as I could so that I could form an astute editorial piece on the death of Osama Bin Laden.

My first observation? Television news channels are like crack for folks with ADHD. News tickers scrolling by on the bottom of the screen, little windows in the corner of the screen showing live shots of news AS IT HAPPENS, and lots of Ken and Barbie types saying really important sounding things with serious looks on their faces. I have to give credit to those of you that actually attempt to keep up with current events, watching 2 hours of it last night left me twitching on the couch with a severe facial tick. Luckily Mrs. 20 Prospect is a registered nurse, so she was able to administer a dose of Lithium to get me to snap out of it.

With so many people, saying so many things about the death of Osama Bin Laden, I have been wracking my brain trying to come up with a unique take on the events. It was not easy, but at 6 am this morning as I was eating my morning ration of Nutella and flipping through the channels I stumbled across inspiration. There on an obscure cable channel in the high 600’s, I found what seemed to be a live feed of a local Pakistani news station interviewing residents of Abbottabad about their thoughts on having Osama Bin Laden living in their midst. So I quickly opened my laptop, and began transcribing the results. I now present them to you:

Top Ten Comments overheard on Abottabad Television News:

10.) He was a quiet guy, always seemed to keep to himself.

9.) Used to see him out mowing the lawn sometimes. He was always going on about the Great Satan, and Crusader Infidels. That and the weather. Used to always ask me “is it hot enuf for ya?”

8.) Never had any problems with him. He did come over once to ask me not to place the recycle bins so close to his driveway, but other than that, we never really spoke.

7.) Seemed like a nice enough guy. He invited us over a few summers back for a barbeque, but we had a thing going at the inlaws that day.

6.) Never really got along with the man. His dogs were always crapping in my yard. Called the police several times, but they never really did much about it.

5.) Doesn’t surprise me at all. He was always telling me about the 72 virgins waiting for him in heaven.

4.) Used to talk with his wife every once in awhile. Seemed like normal folks. They liked to spend a week in Nice every summer to get away from the heat. Not sure, but I think they had a place there.

3.) The 18 foot concrete walls, and barbed wire were a little off putting, but I just thought he was one of those nature types that likes to walk around the garden nude.

2.) Saw him from time to time at the 7-eleven. He was always going there for a Slurpee and a pack of Beef Jerky.

1.) Can’t say I am surprised. In High School he was voted “Most Likely to Die a Fiery Death as a Martyr for Muhammad”.

11 thoughts on “The requisite post on Osama Bin Laden’s Death

  1. Proving that the American memory can be reset with the flip of a switch in one day, I’ve already forgotten about this and moved quickly on to the more pressing news about who the father of January Jones baby is.
    Also, why is there no youthful angst, rejection or humiliation in this post?
    I bet you had a high school girlfriend who dated one of Bin Ladens many relatives.

    • You’re right! In fact, the Branch Davidian’s had their own Slurpee maker at the Waco compound.

      Also, when you start referring to your house as a “compound” nothing good can come of it.

  2. I thought for sure you were going to make out with him in drag while in the back of a car drinking warm beer then tell us about how it would have been so much better if (s)he’d been catholic. 🙂

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