June Bugs

The wind is blasting out of the south this morning unrolling a wet blanket of humidity over the land. This is summer; thick, chewy, moist summer. I hope we top 90 today. I want to see the sun bake the asphalt into a sticky, tarry, flypaper. I want to sit on my porch in the evening and listen to the leaves unfolding themselves, as they stretch, and yawn oxygen into the darkness.

Ever feel like a June bug flying into the window over, and over, and over again? Thinking “this time it will be different. This time I will break through to that warm inviting yellow light and immolate myself on it”. Well, that’s kinda how my attempts at writing are feeling these past few weeks. Vain, pointless efforts to break through an invisible wall inside my head, where I can immolate myself in warm, inviting, memories.










Speaking of beating my head against a wall, our Little League team lost by double digits again last night. We have lost 7 games in a row by a combined score of 85 to 10. I know what you’re thinking. How on earth did we manage to score 10 runs? By the Grace of God my friends, by the Grace of God.

I have never seen such a collection of uncoordinated, unfocused, nine and ten year old boys in my life. I have 4 players out of 13 that are actually capable of throwing and catching the ball. Coaching them has been interesting. The experience has given me new, deep found respect for Special Ed teachers. Only 7 more games to go before I can close the books on this season, and turn in my clipboard. If I can get these kids through the next 4 weeks without any more chipped teeth, or head injuries, I will consider it a successful coaching job.

Until then, I’ll keep






To break through.


Pray for me.

20 thoughts on “June Bugs

  1. I played on that team once. Only it was in an “Over 35” league slow-pitch team. Three of us were fair-to-middling players who were recent fast-pitch dropouts (yes, real men played fast-pitch). The rest had obviously never played the game in any form, even as children. How can that be?

    • I think that’s the most baffling and frustrating part. These boys aren’t 4 or 5. They are in 3rd & 4th grade, and they have obviously never spent an hour in their life playing catch in the yard. How is that even possible?

      I know kids today don’t play ball in the yard 24/7 the way we did. But even in this Nintendo-age, you would think they’d at least have had a game of catch by now? And if they haven’t, why on earth would their parents sign them up for little league baseball?

      Absolutely maddening. It’s hard to teach them the game when after 5 weeks we are still working on how to throw and catch a ball.

  2. The Drama Queen’s fast-pitch team has won 1 game this season……..because the other team had to forfeit due to a lack of players.

    It doesn’t make any difference to me, as long as she doesn’t get discouraged. It is hard to watch though. By hard to watch, I mean I really want to fake a double eye injury and sit in the stands with both eyes patched.

    • Not to be a sexist. (cause I’m not. I’m just “sexy”) But when my daughter’s fast pitch team lost every game this season, it was easier to stomach for a couple of reasons.

      1.) I wasn’t the coach.

      2.) I don’t expect all 11 year old girls to know how to throw and catch a ball.

      Not because I don’t think they are capable, just because I know it’s not high on the priority list of things to do for a lot of girls. I expect more out of the boy’s. I mean, c’mon. Running, jumping, throwing, these are things that they are “supposed” to do.

      • As I sat through the 21 to 1 loss her team “accepted” last night, I thought of this.

        It is funny to see the little actress/artist/sensitivity queen whiz a ball to second base, watch them cringe as it comes flying and then move to avoid it, only for her to say, “Oh well, you didn’t squeal this time.” and then shrug and move on.

        And yeah, what Elly said.

  3. I thought I was gonna be all, “Dude I TOTALLY feel like a June bug,” but then I’ve never ever used the word immolate even in my head. Now I have to rectify that. Welcome to my word of the day.

  4. Lucas is on a kindergarten team with a bunch of little boys who still sit and play in the sand when they’re supposed to be manning first base and their coach is a former Kansas City Royal.

    They played an all girl team on Tuesday and they were pretty equally matched. Lucas just flirted with all the girls.

    Don’t get down about writing. I think it’s this time of year, the changing from long underwear to swimwear. It shocks the system and numbs the brain. Give yourself time to adjust.

  5. i’d immolate myself on the sun as me, a human, cuz i love the sun that fucking much.

    chin up buttercup, your writing is always ON! as your audience, my vote prevails.

    i like to prevail. but just like i did above, i have to declare it to make it so.

  6. Pingback: The Sunday Paper. Because All The Ordinary People Are Doing It. « The Ramblings

  7. My son played Little League for one season. His team lost every single game. I think there may be a correlation between that and the fact that he was never interested in playing again…

    • Exactly. As a coach my main job is to make it a fun experience. If it’s fun, and they learn something along the way, they’ll keep playing.

      However, losing 20-0 is not a fun experience. Like it or not, kids keep score. Competition is a natural urge, and when they lose all the time, they quit, just like grownups.

  8. The solution to this problem is a Lik-um-aid, pop rock and RC Cola cocktail before warm ups.
    It creates a chemical vortex so powerful that inattentiveness and lack of coordination go swirling down the funnel and you are left with cat like reflexes, laser focus, the speed of a cheetah on crack and the ability to throw like Steve Austin (that would be the Six Million Dollar Man to those of you who didn’t have the honor of watching this classic).
    Why do you think the little league fields of the 70’s and 80’s were such a sight to behold? Those snack shacks sold that shit for a reason.

    • Great idea! I was considering inserting a hypodermic needle into some Wax Pop Bottle candy, and just injecting them with it a la Eric Stolz in Pulp Fiction, but your way sounds like it’d leave fewer marks.

      Sheesh, people are so uptight about performance enhancing drugs. I say, start ’em young. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go get some coffee.

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