Each month I look forward to Bugginword’s monthly “Search Optimizationish” post, where Elly lists all the bizarre search terms that people were using when they landed on her blog. She never fails to have the most amusing, and creepy search terms, and they are often a goldmine for comment memes. Among my favorites “Flavor Flav Wine”, “brave snail sex”, “minty fresh drag queen”, and who could forget “dirty feckin’ velociraptor”?
Following those posts I always look into my own WordPress Dashboard to see what kind of funny things people are searching for when they land on my Front Porch. Sadly, I have a very unimaginative readership apparently. The best they have been able to muster has been “Cornish Pasty”, and “Grandpa Simpson”. And despite my obvious love of both Cornish Pasties and Grandpa Simpson, these are not the most entertaining of topics.
Well all that has changed! I am proud, and somewhat frightened, to report that in the last week I have had visitors to my front porch who were searching for the following:
“Korean Humor” – All successful bloggers will tell you the key is to identify a niche market, and focus your writing on it. As you all know, in the past 2 years of blogging 20 Prospect has become synonymous with “Korean Humor”. Mission accomplished.
“1975 Banana Seat Sears” – I’m thinking of making this my new tagline. It’s hard to find four words that more accurately describe 20 Prospect than “1975 Banana Seat Sears”. It could be my elevator pitch when I propose the 20 Prospect Movie to a Hollywood Exec.
“feathered Polish Lancers” – NOW we’re talking! If you are going to outfit some Polish Lancers, you most definitely want to include feathers. I mean really, who would want unfeathered Polish Lancers? Four out of five minty fresh drag queens approve.
“Crack Rock Grave” – I like to think this is an updated version of Rock Paper Scissors. “Crack” beats “Rock”, “Grave” beats “Crack”, but how does “Rock” beat “Grave”? Clearly I need to do some research here.
“Minotaur P0rn” – Umm… OK. I guess that if there’s one thing I should have learned on the interwebz by now it’s the fact that there is no fetish too bizarre, gross, or obscure to have a devoted following somewhere. I just sincerely hope that the Minotaur fetishers don’t live in my neighborhood.
“P0rno maize” – Apparently there is a Native American with a Corn Fetish. I wonder if he likes Minotaurs?
but without a doubt, the winner is:
“8th grade secret story my girlfriend behind the school happy ending” – This insightful person has managed to capture the essence of every blog post I have ever written in these eleven words. I’m having them engraved on my tombstone. Or as I like to call it, my crack rock grave.