Where’s my Laudanum?


I think I’m suffering from a touch of the vapors lately. The symptoms are clear; boredom, lack of energy, easily distracted, forgetfulness. Sadly, to get a good Patent Medicine requires a prescription these days. Oh for the good old days when Coca-Cola had real Cocaine in it. I bet those crazy Victorian’s threw some wild parties. Of course, back then they called it “taking a cure”.

What this country needs is more Moxie.

A good old fashioned opium laced elixir to help get us through these trying times. Simple coffee is no longer cutting it.

Lil’ Miss 20 Prospect is currently on a Gluten Free, Dairy Free, food free diet as we try to determine if she has a food allergy. So we’ve been suddenly thrust into the world of Natural Foods. Walking the aisles of the local organic / natural food market, I can’t help but look at the packaging, and see the similarities to the patent medicine craze of the Victorian era.

Sadly, organic, gluten free, corn bread pancake mix is a poor substitute for opium.

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8 thoughts on “Where’s my Laudanum?

  1. I’ve always enjoyed the barbiturates myself. In fact, I just had that conversation with my mom today. She was all, “You and the morphine don’t mix, right?” And I’m all, “I’m bad with all the -ines but boy am I good with barbiturates.”

    Suddenly I realize this isn’t a very good story but I’m not going to untype it.

    And SCENE!

    • Oh, I totally understand. Me and Codeine are not friends. Ugh, that stuff makes me feel so groggy, and miserable. I’ll stick with Scotch.

  2. Oh, man — food allergies suck. My daughter was born allergic to milk — poor baby broke out into enormous hives — and she outgrew it, but there were years of inspecting every food label suspiciously. I hope you figure it out soon! Luckily, there are a lot of almost decent substitutes these days for whatever food she needs to avoid.

    • I’m discovering that. I can’t imagine what our parents would have done if we’d have had a food allergy. Hell, we were just happy if they weren’t swigging Martini’s during pregnancy, and blowing Winston smoke into the baby crib.

  3. A good portion of my “team” at work are lactose intolerant, suffering from Crohn’s, necessarily gluten-free. Can’t help but wonder how miserable some of these people were before we discovered that some food really isn’t good for some people…

    Pearl

    • I’m sure the Victorian’s just called it having the “Consumption”, and drank a bottle of Laudanum to ease the pain. Of course, they were all dead by 60 too.

  4. Sweet baby Morgan Freeman that’s a lot of radiation! Probably explains there doing things like throwing mummy parties, where they unwrap a mummy in the parlor and then party and talk about it the rest of the night. With it still in the house!!!

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