This is a test. I repeat. This is only a test… yeah, right


OK folks. I admit, I do have the conspiracy nut gene in my DNA. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those rambling, manifesto writing, tinfoil hat wearing types that goes on and on about the Bilderbergers holding Satanic Masonic Rituals at the Bohemian Grove, where they collude with Opus Dei to plan for the great disclosure of extraterrestrial contact.

 

But I do love a good conspiracy.


 

By now I’m sure you have all heard that the Asteroid the size of an Aircraft Carrier, has just sailed past earth. I’m also sure that you have heard from our government leaders, and leading scientists that there is absolutely no threat to earth.

 

PFFTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

If there is no threat then why has the Federal Emergency Management Administration suddenly decided to test the Emergency Broadcast System on a national basis FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY at 2 pm Eastern Time this afternoon!?

 

Seriously, we made it through 50 years of the cold war without ever running a nationwide test of the system, and now, coincidentally on the same day as the great Asteroid flyby, we need to make sure it works?

 

Wake up and smell the coffee people. THIS IS THE END!

 

Once the Asteroid is in range, the Aliens will begin launching their landing craft filled with Zombies into strategic urban locations. By this weekend, the Zombie apocalypse will be upon us!

 

This means it’s time to squeeze in every last bit of debauchery on your bucket lists. The world could end tomorrow. It’s times like this that I am thankful to be a Catholic with access to a confessional, so that I can repent at 2 minutes to midnight and get my “Get out of Hell Free” card.

 

See you on the other side!

12 thoughts on “This is a test. I repeat. This is only a test… yeah, right

  1. Holy shit, talk about a conspiracy theory….it took me fifteen minutes of dicking around with your comment box to only to have it reject me EVERY SINGLE TIME. That is, until I removed all traces of my internet identity and came in the back door as “guest”
    The system is devouring itself. Run for your lives.

    • I seriously have no idea why WordPress won’t let you comment. Unless you’re one of the undead.

      Wait a minute! Post a picture of yourself in a mirror to prove your not a vampire!

      All that Robert Pattinson worship is beginning to worry me.

  2. i’m pretty sure my secret plans for within a confessional will send me directly to hell without passing Go. which is fine by me because i never did mix well with the righteous and holy. furthermore, i say to the asteroid, “bring it”! the human species has left much to be desired for me lately. and finally, yes you should send happy pills. winter is coming and i’m starting my descent into sad me.

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