3rd Annual Do it Yourself Christmas Card

Dear (insert your name here)

It has been a terrific and memorable year here at 20 Prospect. We hope that the season finds you all doing well, and that you are having _____

a.) a Merry Kwanza

b.) a Merry Ramadan

c.) good luck with your divorce proceedings.

It is so hard to believe that 2011 is almost over! Why is seems like only yesterday that ____.

a.) 20 Prospect Jr. was arrested for possession.

b.) Lil’ Miss 20 Prospect made her first batch of bathtub gin.

c.) The court overturned my conviction.

Great memories to be sure, but we’re excited about what new adventures await in 2012. Mrs. 20 Prospect and I are looking forward to ____.

a.) replacing the front window.

b.) the surgeon removing 20 Prospect Jr.’s stitches.

c.) Lil’ Miss 20 Prospect completing her anger management classes.

But the end of another year is also a good time to pause and reflect on the past year, and all of the wonderful times that we shared like ___

a.) our family vacation to Wall Drug.

b.) the wild celebration when the Minnesota Lynx won the WNBA title.

c.) outrunning the sheriff in our orange 1969 Dodge Charger.

And how can we forget the time that Moxie and Maggie ____

a.) bit the mailman.

b.) tunneled into the neighbor’s yard.

c.) robbed the liquor store.

We are still laughing about that one! After all of that excitement, I think the whole family agrees that we are looking forward to relaxing over the winter break.

Wishing you a Happy New Year, and looking forward to seeing you ______

a.) at the next AA meeting.

b.) during visiting hours.

c.) when I get paroled.

The 20 Prospect Family

8 thoughts on “3rd Annual Do it Yourself Christmas Card

  1. Wasn’t busy dating Mr. Jim Beam in the evenings (right after l put the kids to bed and finally getting some peace), l would love have the energy to write a xmas letter like that…
    “Good holidays” in three languages does it for me… 😛

  2. Dude, don’t knock anger management classes. That breathing through the rage shit really works!
    Happy Holidays!
    Sorry I’ve been MIA, it’s CYO basketball season and our motto is still, “go to mass then kick some ass”

    • Great motto.

      On Monday night Lil Miss 20 Prospect and her 6th grade teammates put a 26-16 beat down on the Sisters of the Poor, so I totally understand.

      • 17 to 2 steam roll over Annunciation. I ended the hour with a dishrag to Mop up the spittle deposited on my face during the furious yet joyful screaming.

        • Why does this not surprise me?

          You know, I’ve taken to wearing earplugs at 6th grade basketball games because the decibel level of screaming Mom’s and kids is roughly twice that of a Heavy Metal concert.

          I’ve given up on shouting instructions or cheering, as they can’t possibly hear me. Also, I was working the clock and scoreboard at the game and I thought it might be bad form to be fist pumping when my daughter sank a shot. I try to maintain an air of professional impartiality, by hissing “YES!!!” through my teeth instead.

          Don’t even get me going on Hockey. We won 9-1 last night, and if Mrs. 20 Prospect wasn’t sitting in the stands next to me I’m sure I would have been hit on by at least 3 of the other Mom’s.

          Note to my single 40 year old friends: Give up on the bar scene, and online dating. Start going to your niece’s and nephew’s youth sporting events. Tons of lonely delirious divorced Mom’s ready to throw themselves at you.

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