Get Out of My Face Book

Introducing the latest in social media anti-social media. In the coming days I will be launching a website that speaks to all of us reclusive hermit types, and provides the needed counter balance in the universe for the Facebook phenomenon. I call it: “Get Out of My Face. Book”

Here are just a few of the features you can expect to see.

“Hide” – Social interaction is so tiresome. Who wants to have to make small talk with your spouse’s Uncle? Or that kid from High School that used to pick his nose in the back of Social Studies? Not you. If you saw these people in the supermarket you would duck into another aisle before they saw you. Why should the internet be any different?

When these shirttail relations, and acquaintances stop by your homepage they will find that the curtains are drawn, and the front porch light is out. You must have had to step away for a few minutes. Perhaps they should try again later?

My site will provide you with a much needed privacy screen to protect you from the annoying task of pretending to be interested in what other people have to say. Just set your status to “Hide” and you can rest easy that you will always appear to be unavailable for those you care to avoid.

“Stock Photos” – Taking quality pictures that capture the cuteness of your pets and children can be so time consuming, and you will always worry that posting them on your homepage will expose them to pedophiles, and other mullet wearing creepers waiting around the corner in their White Econoline van. Your worries are over. Just select from our ready made collection of professional cat photos, and smiling Aryan children, and you can present a much more attractive version of your life to the world without worry.

“Get Out of My Yard” – Tired of receiving endless requests from people to join them in pointless games of Farm-Mafia-Zoo-Ville? Then respond to them the way that Mr. Jankowski did when he caught you playing Wiffle Ball on his lawn. Any requests you recieve will be met immediately with a high decibel old man voice yelling “YOU KIDS GET OUT OF MY YARD!”

If Mr. Jankowski is not your speed, you can also select from screechy old lady voices, and snarling Dobermans.

“Inspirational Quotes”  – Are you tired of your Aunt Martha’s endless supply of touching stories, and inspirational religious messages? Then return fire with our wide selection of acerbic quotations from famously witty and sarcastic people like Oscar Wilde, George Bernard Shaw, H.L. Mencken, Mark Twain, and others. Don’t worry about offending your Aunt Martha, most of them will fly over her head anyway.

“Tin Foil Hats” – Are you tired of the Republican / Democrats / Libertarian sycophants in your life filling up your inbox with the latest partyline drivel? We’ve got you covered. Our “Tin foil hat” software can detect the political affiliations of your incoming messages, and respond with appropriately crackpot assertions about the Tri-lateral commission, Bilderbergers, and Masonic conspiracy. Once the offending parties have received a few of your messages, they will perceive you to be the next Uni-bomber, and begin to steer a wide path around you.

As a special offer, I am offering readers of 20 Prospect an opportunity to invest in this venture now, and reap the rewards of future millions. Just send me an email with your major credit card information and I will mail you stock certificates in my new venture. Join now. Operators are standing by. Etc…




9 thoughts on “Get Out of My Face Book

  1. sign me up.
    I would like to point out that statistics prove the majority of pedophiles don’t have mullets. As a matter of fact most of them bear a striking resemblance to William H Macy.
    Also, I dress as a man and attend meetings of the free masons. That is no conspiracy.

  2. I’m in! I love the “Hide” option. Some people just don’t get that if I reject a friend request 5 times, I’m probably going to reject it a 6th & 7th time too.

    Makes for an awkward real life run-in.

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