Another Opening Day

Another spring, another opening day. After 2 weeks of snow & rainouts the Fish Eater Athletic League is officially opening the 2013 Baseball Season. Sure we’ve got a pond full of standing water in right field, but it’s now or never. If we don’t start playing now there’s no way we can wrap things up before Memorial Day.

As the hours tick down towards the first pitch, hope springs eternal. We have been practicing indoors for a month now. We’ve gone through every conceivable fielding and hitting drill that can be executed on a gym floor or in a parking lot, but this afternoon we will finally find out what kind of a ball club we’ve got at Our Lady of the Subdural Hematoma. Will this be our year to hoist the Ceremonial Monstrance as CAA Champs?

PLAY BALL!
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Won’t be long now!

I’m getting close! Oh, so close to releasing the book. After multiple last second corrections by my lovely and talented editor I have finished formatting the book, and uploaded it into the publishing software. The cover design is also complete, along with the back cover “blurb”, and author photo. (BTW-Anyone good at photoshop? Please email me)

The proof should be arriving in the next week. If everything looks good, it could be released as early as next weekend. To everyone who has prodded, cajoled and encouraged me to see this through to completion, you have no one to blame but yourselves.

Here is the cover… “Thomas Gahr” is my pen name. My real name of course is Mr. 20 Prospect.

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Alleluia!

We did it! We survived another winter. Winter’s back has been broken and the Greenland blocking high pressure has finally collapsed!011110_greenlandblock

(Being Minnesotan qualifies me as an Amateur Meteorologist.)

We are set to hit 70+ degrees for the next 4 days. What does this mean?

1.) Prepare for the always startling sight of pasty white exposed flesh. As much a sign of spring in these parts as the first Robin.

2.) Throw open the windows and let out 6 months of stale, germ infested air. (If you live down wind of Minnesota, this is your warning to stay inside the next few days)

3.) Every bike path and sidewalk in the city will be overflowing with barely dressed citizens. (See Item #1)

4.) Get to the liquor store early tonight. Stock up on beer, and wine because it’s time to celebrate.

5.) Light the grills!!!! OK, we grill out year ’round, even in subzero weather, but this weekend it is an official state law that we are only allowed to eat meat cooked outdoors over an open flame.  This is also a warning to those living downwind. (See Item #2)

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go climb the nearest tree, and sing my fool head off like the Cardinals.

 

The lowest common denominator

Well interwebz, it’s been quite a week. A week so tragic and eventful that I was stunned into silence. So if you have been stopping by the front porch looking for a little distraction, I apologize.

There is just so much that I could say about the events that occurred that I wouldn’t know where to begin. But out of respect for the victims and all those suffering I will say just this:

As much as the hateful work of a few individuals may have shaken my faith in humanity on Monday afternoon, it pales in comparison to the way that the ensuing 5 days of internet comments, Tweets, blog posts, Op Ed columns, cable news coverage, newspapers, and supposed journalism has shaken it. So if you are as disgusted as I am in the general behavior of society in the past week, join me in turning off the computer, and hugging a loved one. In the end, that is all that matters.

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Curl up and die

There is something about living in a Northern climate that makes one prone to odd, self destructive behavior involving alcohol. Spend enough time snowbound inside your house, and you start seeing things. Just ask Jack…

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Thankfully we live in a Northern Suburb of Minneapolis, and not at the Overlook Hotel. Although the recent return of winter is now taxing our limits of sanity. So on Saturday night, Mrs. 20 Prospect and I joined a group of 20 some parents from Our Lady of the Subdural Hemotoma for a night of curling.

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What is curling you ask? Why just the greatest sport ever invented by drunk Scotsmen! (Sorry golf, get over it). The rules are fairly straightforward, and once you’ve got a couple of drinks under your belt they even start to make sense. Basically it involves sliding a 40 lb stone across a sheet of ice, to try to place it in a target, while a couple of broom wielding teammates try to control its speed and direction.

For a sport invented by drunks it requires an incredible amount of balance. Unfortunately Mrs. 20 Prospect found that out the hard way by falling and hitting her head on the ice not once, but twice. (It’s not a coincidence we decided to send our children to Our Lady of the Subdural Hemotoma.)

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While you are on the ice flailing about with brooms and dodging rocks, spectators sit behind a window in the warmth of the bar laughing at you. Seriously.

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Despite the head injury, we had a great time. In fact it was so much fun that we are planning to sign up for the Instructional League to pursue our new found curling dreams. And why not? At 44 years old this is my absolute last chance to make it to the winter Olympics.

More importantly, it will give me an excuse to wear a curling sweater to the bar.

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The Dude would approve.

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All work and no play makes Mr. 20 Prospect a dull boy

Holy krep, where the hell did this week go? Jeepers this one really got away from me. I apologize for the lack of postings. I’ve been lax in my duties to feed the gaping maw of the internet with useless content. Forgive me.

My Dark Corporate Overlords took up way too much of my time. Honestly, how can they expect me to put in 20 hours of work in one week? Don’t they know it’s criminal, and inhumane to make us work in such conditions? I’m an artist damnit! Leave me be!!!

I also started back to teaching again last week, and have been busy destroying the American Higher Education system from the inside out. Which, believe it or not, is a lot harder than it sounds.

Then there is the 6th grade boys baseball team from Our Lady of the Subdural Hemotoma that I am coaching. Although I can’t complain. The boys are all 12 and by now have figured out the basics of the game. For the most part they can throw, catch, and hit, which makes life much easier this year.

And finally… The Book. Yes, I’m still working on cleaning up the very last few final edits, before I send it to my lovely and talented editor for a final, final, review. Then it’s off to Createspace to publish the thing and begin my marketing campaign for worldwide domination. Mwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So what am I doing here? Slacking as usual.

Like this post or you’re a cotton headed ninny muggins

Dear Interwebz,

We need to talk. Lately there’s been some sophomoric behavior  going on around the inter tubes that I would normally just ignore. However, it has become apparent to me that this behavior is not going away, but seems in fact to be increasing in frequency. Specifically I am referring to the Book of Faces.

It is a well established fact that the maturity level of the internet is roughly equivalent to that of a Junior High School student. However, as a parent of 6th and 7th graders I must admit that I expect better out of them than some of the behavior I have witnessed on Facebook lately.

This is not the first time that such behavior has become rampant on the interweb. I think we can all remember the early ought’s when the initial euphoria of being able to send “electronic mail” to friends, family, and co-workers resulted in a deluge of requests from Nigerian Princes, disgruntled Neiman Marcus Cookie Eaters, and hopeful Bill Gates email forwarders. I had hoped we had outgrown that sort of conduct. Yet daily I am deluged with requests like this…

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or this…

Support our brave men and women who protect our freedom by clicking like on this post. Otherwise you are a god-damned commie pinko and I will unfriend you.

Support our brave men and women who protect our freedom by clicking like on this post. Otherwise you are a god-damned commie pinko and I will unfriend you.

or sadly, even this…

Little Timmy was born without a head. His dying wish is to get 1,000,000 likes on facebook. Please post this on your timeline, or you are cruel and heartless bastard and i will unfriend you.

Little Timmy was born without a head. His dying wish is to get 1,000,000 likes on facebook. Please post this on your timeline, or you are cruel and heartless bastard and i will unfriend you.

Now before you get your undies in a bunch, please let me clarify that I do not wish for our brave troops to get cancer, or my child to be born without a head. That is not the point. The point is you are all driving me freaking nuts with this stupid crap.

Now cut it out, or I am going to unfriend you.